Crazy

Family. Geez Louise. I hate when I’m at work or somewhere and people start jabbering on about their “crazy” mom or “crazy” sister or whoever. I feel like “crazy” is a term that is supremely overused. Perhaps your mom would more accurately be described as “annoyingly overbearing” or “cares so damn much about you that she wants to be a part of all areas of your life” or “depressed as shit.” Maybe your sister is “totes jelly of how cool and awesome you are so she steals your clothes and your boyfriends.” None of these fit the specifications that the term “crazy” demands, in my opinion.

As for my family, well… “crazy” is a fitting characterization. Let me elaborate: I have three younger brothers. Bro 1 is the oldest, Bro 2 is the middle child, and Bro 3 is the youngest little turd. Growing up, I always knew there was something seriously wrong with Bro 1. He didn’t ever seem to act “normal” in any given social situation. One day at church camp, Bro 1 had a total mental breakdown that lasted  for months. During this time, he tried to jump out of moving vehicles on the highway, tried to eat chicken bones and when someone tried to remove them, he fought the most epic of battles to keep those chicken bones in his possession, stopped speaking English and spoke a completely made up language, flashed people, acted like he was an amazing guitar player when he had in fact never played and when a nurse brought him a guitar, he confidently serenaded us with the most horrible sounds for hours, and tried to remove invisible swords and demons from his stomach. After being diagnosed as a bit of a schizo, he was released back into the world for more shenanigans.

Bro 2 is not as literally crazy as Bro 1. He’s more of a crazy-ass drug addict who makes many poor life decisions. Bro 2, also known as “Sneaky T”, started drugging it up at the tender age of 11. Sneaky T was always so “cool” among his other druggie friends. He started the crazy fun off with some burglary, drinking and driving, etc. And when he made it to the age of 15, this guy made a baby. Brilliant. At this point, he drops out of school and starts messing with heavier stuff, and robs a convenient store. Finally, at 18 he makes baby number two, and gets caught driving a stolen vehicle carrying loads of meth with the intent to sell. To prison he goes! Crazy.

And here comes Bro 3, known by his peers by the esteemed nickname “Sneaky C.” As you can probably guess, Sneaky C idolizes the remarkably dignified Sneaky T, and wants to be just like him. Prison definitely ups the cool factor of young men these days. Sneaky C’s young life is riddled with emotional Facebook statuses, failed suicide attempts, and drugs. Fortunately, he has not fathered any children as of yet, but he does advertise his sexual exploits and drug selling on social media for all of the world to see. Crazy!

My parents, you ask? Well, stay tuned. I don’t want to frighten you away just yet. I have to slowly unveil the crazy. And myself? You can be the judge.

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14 responses to “Crazy

  1. Pingback: Degrees of Reality | lulufille

  2. So sorry for your brothers that they haven’t received the mental health treatment the need(ed). Hope you are taking care of yourself and receiving psychotherapy to process the trauma of your dysfunctional family life.

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  3. Thank you for your kind thoughts and encouragement.

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  4. Wow. That is intense. Hope you are doing well

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  5. I’m doing alright! Thanks for the support!

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  6. I feel the same way about this term. It’s only properly fitting in some cases.. Which is why I used it in the title of my memoir “My Haunted House, The Crazy Within.” Crazy, that is the only word suitable to describe nearly unspeakable lives that some of us have endured. I find the same cringe-response when people loosly use the slang “FML.” Really? I want to respond. Let me tell you a little story..

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  7. Pingback: Tragic Hero | lulufille

  8. Yes, crazy is overused. Sorry to hear about your brothers.

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  9. Thanks for sharing. I recently started blogging and found it therapeutic by telling my story as well. I have two people in my family who have a mental health issue, mom who is codependent and me getting the help I need to live a happy and healthy life. I feel so far removed from them as they know that I am different and am breaking free from a unhealthy dynamic. I have been guilt tripped at times that being carefree and happy is wrong. Wondering if you have encountered the same thing. Thanks for having the courage to share your story. I am not alone.

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    • Oh boy. Yes, I have definitely struggled A LOT with guilt. My family tends to guilt trip me, and I do it to myself. There have been times in the past when things were so bad that I felt like it was wrong for me to have any enjoyment in my own life when my family members are so intensely suffering. However, I have come to learn that I have the right to be happy. I know that doesn’t sound profound, but it was for me. I’ve worked hard. I can be there for my family as much as I was able to be without compromising my own health & happiness, and that is enough. I’ve learned to keep a slight barrier or space between myself and my family members so as to protect my mental well-being. I can’t do the emotional roller coasters any more and still remain sane myself. Is that how you’ve felt? You are absolutely not alone. I think this is way more common than we realize – we just have to talk about it more and lessen the stigma. Thank you for reading 🙂

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      • That darn hamster wheel! Yes, I’ve been sucked into getting on that ride and now I just look at the ride and realize, I’m not responding that way anymore. I hate to say it, it sounds selfish, but I’m healthy. It feels weird to type that. But I feel that I have been blessed and to be able to tell people my story and connect with others with similar experiences we are ALL healing from this. I think this is a way to start slowly tearing down those walls to lessen the stigma. Thank you for responding!

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  10. Pingback: Magnetic | lulufille

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