Bloody Mess

So there we were. Everything was perfect. Too perfect, maybe?

Do you ever get suspicious when everything seems to be going well? Like at any moment I’m going to rip a deafening fart in front of a lot of people in a quiet room or I’m going to be humming along having a great day and get a TEXT message that says- totally unexpected- “your sister-in-law is dead” (yes, that happened).  I’m always suspicious of any span of time that seems a little too happy-go-lucky. But I think I have justification to be the total paranoid freak that I am.

Anyway – there we were, my husband and I. We were on vacation in Key West, back when we were only dating. We were young, hot, care-free, and enjoying some serious rays out on a motor boat in the ocean. We were on a little parasailing excursion with about 10 other people. It was very relaxing as we waited not too long for our turn to fly. Then, up we went. Oh, this is so fun! Oh, the wind feels so nice! Oh, this is a lot more fun than the last time when I went parasailing and fell through the restraints that hadn’t been properly put on me and was hanging on for dear life!

Then, they reeled us in. They did that fun little thing where they have you float all the way down and hit the water splashing and pop back up before they pull you on board. So we’re dripping wet when we get back on the boat. Oh yeah – important plot point – I was wearing nothing but a tiny white bikini. I had no other clothes with me out on that boat nor a towel. But no biggie, it felt nice – I’ll air dry.

We reclaimed a seat on the padded white cushions along the perimeter of the boat as the next couple got up to fly. As we were instructed, the remaining 8 of us scooch over so that we’re rotating our position allowing for whoever is next to be seated right next to the parasail equipment. As I slid, I noticed something awful.

BLOOD. Whaaaaaaaaaat? I look down, alarmed, and realize that yes, this is my life. My period has begun full force. As I scoot, I’m leaving behind a watery blood puddle on the white cushions from my white bikini for others to scoot onto. Is this a nightmare? Sadly, no. I begin to panic. I look around frantically trying to see if anyone else has noticed my situation. I see some eyes darting away from mine. I’m paranoid. Everyone knows.

It’s time to scooch again. I lean over to my then-boyfriend, and command him to grab the tiny little half-towel that is also WHITE that I spot under someone’s seat across the boat. He gives me a quizzical look – he hasn’t noticed yet. I give him the “don’t ask questions just freaking do it” look and he gets up to grab it. Some more people notice this strange activity as he is likely grabbing a fellow passenger’s teeny towel – was it a freaking wash cloth? So I snatch it out of his hands, ball it up, soak up the existing blood trail, and stick it underneath me. AWKWARD. I’m now straddling this white (ish) towel between my legs outside of my white bikini on my white cushion. And when we scoot, I have to scoot in this very intense, purposeful way so as to not have to move the towel with my hand and bring more attention to it.

I went into this “zone” that didn’t allow me to fully comprehend what was happening – the humiliation- to protect me from imploding. I was focused on getting off that damn boat and on to the bigger sail boat where I had no change of clothes, but at least a normal-sized towel to wrap around my shame.

Finally, it was over. I had to carry my bloody mess of a towel that I STOLE with me off of the boat for all to gawk at. But it was over.

I regaled my cooky coworkers with this story some time after, and they were horrified for me. They said that they really didn’t think the situation could have been any worse than that.

But you know I disagree.

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29 responses to “Bloody Mess

  1. kat

    how awful! i would have been horrified, in sheer panic, probably crying my eyes out.

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  2. I cringed! The things a girl’s gotta deal with, I tell ya.

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  3. So glad this happened to you. Made me spray coffee on my computer screen first thing this morning!

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  4. wangoed

    What happened between you noticing and you getting off the boat? Did anyone else notice?

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    • Oh, people noticed. I’m sure just about everyone did. But I kinda had an out-of-body experience at that time. Went someplace far away in my mind as a coping mechanism so I wouldn’t totally lose it and start bawling in front of everyone and making it even worse.

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  5. Egads, the horror. Time to throw myself overboard and take my chances with the sharks.

    Thanks for sharing with us!

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  6. Oh how mortifying. I could feel the embarrassment almost at though I’d experienced it.

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  7. I remember my 13-14 year old friend who thought she could not go swimming because she was having her period. Welllll I said, there is this thing called a tampon… so through the door I coached her. Apparently not well enough because we get to the beach and suddenly there is a river of blood coming down from between her legs 😦 I felt so horrid. TRULY it had to be my fault!!!!! 😦

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    • Oh, how terrible for your friend. At least you didn’t make it worse by screaming “OMG, you’re bleeding! Are you hurt?!! Did you cut your leg??” like a friend of mine did once, causing many other people to notice…

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  8. Cláudia Correia

    I would die!!!! That’s all I have to say! Thats has to be one of most awkward situations EVER!
    I feel for you! New follower btw 🙂

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  9. Hey!! I nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award! Thanks for being awesome!! (Here’s the link to the original post http://whitegirlsbelike.wordpress.com/2014/10/17/one-lovely-blog-award/) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Hi, I love your blog…So I have nominated you for the Lovely Blogger Award! See more info here: http://theartbagladyblog.wordpress.com/2014/10/15/a-lovely-blogger-award/

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Oh dear, how horrible that had to be in the moment, but what a great story! Well done!

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  12. Oh my, that must have been sooooooooooo humiliating. I have a few similar stories, only they involve not making it to the bathroom out in public. Oh hell, talk about humiliating, but I now look back on the couple of times it happened and I laugh because now it is funny, but at the time, not so much. Now that it’s long done and over with, I tell people about it all the time. Sure gets people laughing, including myself. Take care. 🙂

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  13. I like to believe that I’m special… LOL I bet EVERYONE has a story, buy they just don’t admit to it, ya think? LOL And I wasn’t talking about pee, either. LMFAO its quite a story, actually a few stories. There’s nothing worse than standing in the stall in the bathroom wondering what the hell am I going to do? LOL LOL still makes me laugh to this day. 🙂 we both better stay close to the bathroom!!!!!! 🙂

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  14. Damn it, I just had my comment almost done and it vanished on me….. sigh…………………….As I was saying, “SHIT HAPPENS, no pun intended!” The first time it happened at the Little League baseball park, just needed to pee, so I was walking down the hill to the restroom and it just happened. My purse, my chair, and all my stuff was still up in my chair by the baseball diamond that my son was playing on. I just stood in the stall, in utter disbelief, trying to figure out how the hell I was gonna get all my stuff and get out to the car without anyone noticing. Another time I was at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota having a bunch of testing done, so we were there for like 6 nights, I believe. For one of the tests they had me sit in the waiting room and drink 3 large styrofoam cups of barium or something, over an hours time. They did the test, we went back to our hotel room because we had a lot of time til it would be time for the next test. There were like 4 shops right behind our hotel and I said I thought I could probably make it, to walk through those few shops just for something to do, to kill some time. Went through the first shop without incident, got to the second shop and all of a sudden I was like we have to go, we have to go, we have to go NOW! It started before I even got out of the shop. Would have been nice had they informed me that that stuff could cause diarrhea. LOL I know a little TMI. LOL I had to make it across the alley, into the hotel, through the lobby, into the elevator, and down the long hall to our room and it didn’t stop til after I got to our room. I was so embarrassed, the Mr. cleaned it all up. I was mortified. He never laughed, not even once. He was quite professional about it and has never made fun of me about it. I’m the one that tells everyone and it still makes me laugh so hard, to this day. I was scared to death when I had to get back into the shuttle and get back to the hospital for some more testing. I kept wondering what the heck I was gonna do if that happened, again, in the shuttle or the hospital. Luckily, it didn’t happen again. I guess I got it all out the first time. LOL LOL LMFAO, what can I say, yes I must be special. I do suffer from several invisible chronic illnesses, which include esophageal motility disorder, gastroparesis, and IBS, along with about 25 other diagnoses. So, my entire digestive system is diseased and has a mind all of it’s own. Hope you got a little chuckle out of that! 🙂 There it is now for the whole world to see. LOL 🙂 Take care. Have a great day. Still LMAO…………………………………………………..

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    • Holy crap! Haha, well I’m so very impressed by your husband’s discretion! My husband, on the other hand, probably wouldn’t be able to control himself. Thanks for sharing!! I needed that laugh today. 🙂

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      • Yeah, even to this day when I’m telling someone about it, he says nothing, nor does he laugh along with the rest of us. Glad I could make you laugh today. You must admit, it is always funny after the matter, after the trauma. LOL 🙂 Have a good weekend and whenever you need a good laugh, just remember this true story. LOL LOL 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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